February 13th, 2005

Too busy to wonder

I feel like time is running out as I drive the interstate from Houston to Austin.
The Texas sky looks endless and I would revel in such beauty if I werenít so blinded by envy and jealousy.

In this rapture of ecstasy I hide.

You think youíve seen the light but thereís a darkness deep inside. You wonder what itís all about. And all the answers we had are questions now. Will it ever make sense and is it suppose to? Perhaps we fill our days with work and play to avoid ever wondering. And I wonder. I wander. I do too much. And I never get to a place of satisfaction. Seems to be satisfied is to be too busy to wonder. And when I spend these slow and quiet days in Austin, I know of the other side. The world in which I donít participate because Iím too numb to feel. And I smile too often to really be happy. You show me how to love myself and not be a selfish, self-absorbed ass. Perhaps I am these things as well as self-loathing.